Feeling like a failure and realizing that's who I am without Christ

Last night I was doing some work for school and looking at dates for an upcoming service and learning trip we are going to be taking at the end of this month, when I realized that the bus was reserved for the wrong days. Granted I wasn't the one who actually reserved the bus, but being in charge of the trip it is ultimately my responsibility. I have been pretty stressed out about this trip to begin with. Only being here 1 1/2 years I am not sure that it qualifies me to lead three days of field trips for 62 sixth graders. Granted, there are people on our team that have gone above and beyond in helping out and taking over, but being the "leader" means that whatever happens good or bad it is my fault. That is a lot of pressure!

So, as I was thinking about this pressure, I realized that there is a reason that I do not enjoy this role, because it is not really a role that comes naturally. Now don't get me wrong I like being in charge and I like being the boss, but it is not a natural role. I was always that shy kid, and I am not really sure when I developed in me this outspoken way of doing things. In fact I think most of it has formed in the past couple of years. Why? Well a lot of it has to do with my security in Christ. When I was younger I followed Christ, but I was also swayed by others A LOT! So much so that I think I probably did not stand up for Him all the times I should have. Now though I can honestly say that my life is in Christ. I do think that because my life is in Christ that gives me this attitude of pride that I need to keep giving up. For it sort of begins to look less like Christ and more like me.

I think that is where I was last night. We had a meeting yesterday after school. After the meeting I was talking to someone and they mentioned that I had done a great job of getting everything organized. Now on the outside I said I don't really think I did that great, but on the inside I was feeling pretty good about myself. What I forgot though was to give God the credit for the way this trip has come together. The bus mix up was to me a reminder that if I leave Christ out and leave out giving Him glory, then I am a failure. Not because He can't use me anyways, but because my life, my every being should be about Him. I should not be giving myself credit for what He does, what He brings together, but I should be acknowledging Him in everything.