Christmas 2008

I can't believe that Christmas has come and gone. It seems like this year has flown by so quick. When I think about last Christmas and what a different time in my life it was, I just feel completley blessed. For last year at this time I was in a very difficult place. I had no money, I had no understanding of my future, I had relationships that were causing me major confusion and grief. And now....well I have none of that. Granted I am still struggling in areas, but I think for the first time in a long time I am completely content with where I am and what the Lord has called me to do.

On Christmas Eve I was able to go to the prison an hour and a half away with my church. We were able to just share the love of Jesus and I think it was the best Christmas Eve I have ever had. I love my family, but this was different. It was seeing first hand people that just needed to know that they were loved. The faces, the joy they had when we handed them their gifts or when they were talked to, as normal human beings. It was something real. It was something unselfish, something beyond anything that I have ever known. As our time at the prison closed I just got this overwhelming sense of pain and suffering. I just wanted to be able to speak in Thai, in order to say just how much they were loved by the Only One that matters- Jesus. Instead I talked to one lady in particular her name was Cat. The conversation was very difficult as I spoke very little Thai and she spoke very little English. I must say though that I felt her needs I felt and saw the hurt and pain inside of her. I left feeling the burden for these people that the Lord must feel for everyone of His children.

A Servant's Heart

A Servant’s Heart

There are so many thoughts that are in my mind,

Just waiting to take over and bring me to a place of imagery.

A servant’s heart is what she had, giving and giving to overflowing,

It didn’t matter where she was or what she did, it was with her whole heart.

As I wake up from this dream, I want to reach out and touch her one more time,

To feel her hug and to hold her close and let her know just how much I care.

But that was not His plan,

He wanted her with him to be forever.

She was my Grandma but more than that she was my friend,

She taught me to love the Lord.

She taught me to see His creation in the deer, the fish and the flowers.

As I look at these things I will remember her and the Lord’s love for them that shone through her.

She never gave up on life, on people or on hope.

She served her husband of 60 years everyday of her life.

She gave up so much and found joy in the simple things,

She loved and for that she was loved.

My Grandma was a woman who feared the Lord,

For that she will be admired and held close until once again I see her.

But until I do I will live my life the way she would have, with continued hope in the Lord, and continued growth in knowledge of Him and the love that He pours out on others.

Christmas Time is Here!

It is December....that means it is Christmas time. Our verse to memorize is found in Luke 1:30, "And the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold you will conceive in your womb and you will bear a son, and you will call his name Jesus."

Funny how putting up a Christmas tree and decorating my door can bring back so many memories and thoughts. A couple of years ago, well maybe more like three years ago was when the movie came out that depicted the Christmas story. But it is more than a story it is a celebration of Jesus' birth. Maybe it is the fact that every Christmas we used to have the Lord's supper, or when we would drive around and look at Christmas lights downtown. I remember thinking how boring it all was and wondering the purposes behind some of the things that my parents did. But now I am so thankful. I am thankful for the Christmas mornings that I woke up to the smell of food cooking and my Grandparent's laughter. I am thankful for the football games that I got to watch and the time spent with cousins getting into trouble. Mostly though I am thankful that I grew up in a home where I could learn about Jesus. All too often I find myself becoming ashamed that I am a Christian and scared to truly stand up for what I believe in. But this is the time of year when the reason to celebrate can get lost in the tree decorating and the present giving. So I want to stop right now and just recognize this season for what it is. Celebrating a Savior. Celebrating a birthday that without it, I would be doomed to a life without the Lord.

It didn't really occur to me until today how much loss I have had this past year. My Uncle was killed in a car accident almost a year ago, my Grandpa passed away two months after that and then my other Uncle two months after that. My Grandma is now very sick and I am unsure if she has too much longer. It has only been a year but so much has changed. That makes me all the more aware of what I do have and need to enjoy. I am not sure what the next year will bring. No one knows, but I know one thing for sure. The birth of Jesus truly is the only thing that is worthy of my attention right now. His name shall be called Jesus and "he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there shall be no end."

Yes, no end to His kingdom for that I am certain!

My Grandma...

My Grandma is in the hospital, she had a stroke. It makes me really sad to know that I can't be there with her right now. She has been a constant in my life. One of the people that I have counted on and been able to talk to. I always stopped by their little house in the woods on my way to and from college. I stayed there while I was student teaching. When I think about going home to Missouri, it is not either of my parent's houses that I think about it is my Grandparents. It was weird enough going back this summer and my Grandpa not being there, but to go back in June when I get done teaching and not have her there, I am not sure my heart can take it. I am not sure that I can even think of Missouri without her. The red barn, the purple chicken house. The way that she put plastic bags on her shoes to go to my Grandpa's funeral so she wouldn't get her shoes muddy. When I think back to my childhood and growing up some of my fondest memories are the ones I spent with my cousins at my Grandparents house. I know that it is a process and I know that she is not gone yet, but part of me just wants to be there. To hold her hand and tell her that I love her and that I am so sorry that I am living in another country. That I wish I could just be there to take care of her and help her to not be so lonely. So for now I have to remember the good things because if I don't then the sadness is going to overwhelm me to a point of nothingness. So I will remember:

*early morning garage sales
*Cedarcrest camp
*pancakes shaped like bears, turtles and all sorts of things
*watching old family videos the night before my Grandpa's funeral
*taking my friends for fun fall pictures on the old tractor
*going deer spying out back
*driving the tractor
*driving the golf cart
*the one time that I picked poison oak and thought it was a pretty flower and my Grandma freaking out and making me wash my hands like 10 times.
*raking up leaves and jumping in the piles
*going out to feed the chickens
*watching chicks grow up in my Grandma's home made incubator
*my favorite doll Tamona...not sure where I got that name but Tamona was real!
*riding with my Grandparents to Michigan on various occasions...the last time when my cousin got married. Oh man...something I will never forget!
*the hugs
*the cake drawer
*being forbidden to go upstairs on numerous occasions
*the back room before it became what it is today
*dumbrasky
*peewee that I didn't even know was pee wee until months later (it is a red bird)
*picking blackberries
*going fishing
*going to visit the relatives and playing in the corn
*swinging on the tree
*pumpkin pie with crust on top
*deer season
*buckeyes
*walking to the bridge
*getting the mail in the golf cart
*glitter on the floor
*just hanging out and listening to stories of growing up
*watching Wizard of Oz
*going to church and knowing that my Grandparents loved Jesus


Wow! The list seems longer than I thought, but I think it has helped me and when I think about my life. I am so thankful for my Grandparents for they were truly some of those people that shaped me into who I am today. For that I am so grateful. I love them so much.