My Grandma...

My Grandma is in the hospital, she had a stroke. It makes me really sad to know that I can't be there with her right now. She has been a constant in my life. One of the people that I have counted on and been able to talk to. I always stopped by their little house in the woods on my way to and from college. I stayed there while I was student teaching. When I think about going home to Missouri, it is not either of my parent's houses that I think about it is my Grandparents. It was weird enough going back this summer and my Grandpa not being there, but to go back in June when I get done teaching and not have her there, I am not sure my heart can take it. I am not sure that I can even think of Missouri without her. The red barn, the purple chicken house. The way that she put plastic bags on her shoes to go to my Grandpa's funeral so she wouldn't get her shoes muddy. When I think back to my childhood and growing up some of my fondest memories are the ones I spent with my cousins at my Grandparents house. I know that it is a process and I know that she is not gone yet, but part of me just wants to be there. To hold her hand and tell her that I love her and that I am so sorry that I am living in another country. That I wish I could just be there to take care of her and help her to not be so lonely. So for now I have to remember the good things because if I don't then the sadness is going to overwhelm me to a point of nothingness. So I will remember:

*early morning garage sales
*Cedarcrest camp
*pancakes shaped like bears, turtles and all sorts of things
*watching old family videos the night before my Grandpa's funeral
*taking my friends for fun fall pictures on the old tractor
*going deer spying out back
*driving the tractor
*driving the golf cart
*the one time that I picked poison oak and thought it was a pretty flower and my Grandma freaking out and making me wash my hands like 10 times.
*raking up leaves and jumping in the piles
*going out to feed the chickens
*watching chicks grow up in my Grandma's home made incubator
*my favorite doll Tamona...not sure where I got that name but Tamona was real!
*riding with my Grandparents to Michigan on various occasions...the last time when my cousin got married. Oh man...something I will never forget!
*the hugs
*the cake drawer
*being forbidden to go upstairs on numerous occasions
*the back room before it became what it is today
*dumbrasky
*peewee that I didn't even know was pee wee until months later (it is a red bird)
*picking blackberries
*going fishing
*going to visit the relatives and playing in the corn
*swinging on the tree
*pumpkin pie with crust on top
*deer season
*buckeyes
*walking to the bridge
*getting the mail in the golf cart
*glitter on the floor
*just hanging out and listening to stories of growing up
*watching Wizard of Oz
*going to church and knowing that my Grandparents loved Jesus


Wow! The list seems longer than I thought, but I think it has helped me and when I think about my life. I am so thankful for my Grandparents for they were truly some of those people that shaped me into who I am today. For that I am so grateful. I love them so much.