Starting the summer and learning some too!

The summer started with a bang...my little sister got married. I haven't had a chance to blog about all that I have experienced so far, but I want to do a little bit about what God is teaching me first. I started a new little devotional on The ONE Year Worship the King devotional. Mainly I do need something to go through in order to keep me focusing on what is really important. I miss BSF and the good discussions we had each week. It will be nice to be able to get back to that in the fall. For now though...the focus....worship.

God has been teaching me a lot about worship this past year. I think that I used to categorize worship into this place where it is just singing...and that is all. But as I have pondered the idea of worship and what it truly means I realize that it is a lifestyle. My lifestyle should be worship to God. I don't think that is always the way I see it, but what I do and who I am should always be worship to God. He is righteous and Holy and it is my job to focus on that and love Him the way He deserves, with my whole being.

Today I read through Isaiah 51:1-8. The idea is that I should not fear the reproach of man. Being in the states I think I am more apt to fear the reproach of man than I do in BKK. I mean being here it is super easy to get caught up in the things that do not make me righteous. The things that bring me down and that I allow to take place of my Savior. How easy is it for me to sleep in late and then miss my time with God. Or just get so busy doing nothing that I do not pick up my Bible and really spend time with Him.

God is saying to me...stop...focus and worship.

How often do I stop...focus and worship? Not very often. I am so distracted by this trip or that. Or making sure that I have enough money to pay bills or fly to this place or that place. I just get so caught up that I forget to just stop...focus and worship.

So.....this summer...maybe I should just be stopping all the busy lifestyle and spend time just resting in Him...after all isn't that what summer is for?

Being back in the states....

As I sit here getting ready to go on my 10 hour road trip to Michigan, thoughts come through my mind about how quickly I have gotten used to living in the states again. It seems to me that life just goes back to its easy self. I mean I just jump in my car and pretty much am able to go just about anywhere I want, whenever I want to go. How can I stop from getting used to this life? Do I even want to stop it? I don't know that I do...yet I feel that there may come a time when I want to live in the states again....as I look at my friends and family who have the house, the marriage, the kids...I think that would be nice. But then I see other family and friends that have broken marriages, kids who are lost in the world, or not around at all to experience life and I think....well I wouldn't want to trade places with them. I love serving God, living for Him and yes does it cause me to miss family and friends sometimes? Absolutely, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I wouldn't give it up...because my life it isn't my own and maybe I don't always choose the right things, but I am choosing the right Savior!

Packing up my classroom!

Today as I packed up my classroom there was this overwhelming sense of what that truly meant. When God led me to teach Science...it was this task that I really was excited about until I stepped into the middle school classroom. Since beginning this journey nearly 2 years ago, I think the Lord has managed to allow me to let go of every single thought that I had about what it meant to be a teacher and even more what it means to be a Follower of Christ. For I have been put into a situation of being stretched beyond what I ever thought was possible. The test that you go through when you are working with middle school students on a daily basis is just this heart-wrenching, but amazing experience. I pray and hope by God's grace that seeds were planted this year. I may never know what work God did this year and continues to do in these lives, but I know that He is touching lives, for what better way to know then when you see the enemy trying to get a hold.

I am not sure that I did such a great job this year, but as I look at the empty classroom filled with books that need to be moved to the next teacher, I just think you know it isn't about me anyways. Whatever I did or didn't do it is about God and His glory. I know there were times that I let my flesh take over, that I got upset by a parent email, or a student's lack of responsibility, but that is part of it isn't it? Part of growing and learning and living His life.

I came to Thailand 2 years ago, thinking that when the 2 years was up I would be moving on. Here I am moving on, but not in the way that I thought. I am moving to a new grade, a new classroom a new apartment, but still in the same place. Just like the empty hallways that will be filled once again in the fall with different students. My life is filled each and everyday with people. I can't help but wonder how God is going to use this summer and next year to stretch me and grow me. I am a little sad to say good-bye to this hallway and these students for they have taught me so much about myself, about who God has called me to be and where I need to grow. I can't say enough how perfect it is when you are in the middle of God's will. Never have I been at such peace. Sure I wonder where He will take me next and what I will encounter but you know what? I am content with what He has me doing for now! I am excited to be teaching next year and learning so much about fourth graders.

I guess the real point of this blog is to say that I am not the same person I was when I came to Thailand two years ago. I feel like I had no idea what a real relationship with God was all about, or at least I was just beginning to understand. In these past two years I have had more ups and downs than I really ever care to have again, but you know what it has been totally worth it! I have learned that God's purposes and ways are higher and bigger than mine and all I need to do is trust Him!


So...good-bye to Middle School.....I enjoyed this time, it taught me A LOT and showed me how God gives grace, because really if I didn't have that I wouldn't have made it!

My classroom....getting all ready to go!


Hydroponics...
I will miss you MS 407.....lots of fun was had here!

A New Year

As I was chatting with a friend the other day I was thinking about my life and how much of it revolves around school years. Because my occupation as a teacher requires me to take a summer holiday for months at a time and then start over with a new set of students, well I see my life in school years. When I ponder over the past 11 years, I am simply amazed by what has happened and changed. I realized also just the other day that I have moved every year for the past 11 years. Sometimes jobs and homes, but at least just homes for the past 11 years. No wonder I do not feel planted anywhere. At first after high school graduation my moves just consisted of dorm rooms and going to home/Rawhide for the summers. Then after college well my first move was back home then to Egypt and I have pretty much continued moving ever since. From a house in Oside back to the ranch, then to an apartment, then to the CB in Bangkok, then to a house, then another apartment and tomorrow marks yet another move.

Whew! That sure is a lot of moving. No wonder I feel like there is nothing permanent in my life. I mean this is the first "grown-up" job that I have had that has lasted for longer than a year, and more than that I am going to be starting my third year here. Maybe it is time to settle down, but maybe it is not. Whatever it is though I want to be able to set some goals for this coming up school year.

I think the Lord has taught me a lot about trust this year. Trusting when I don't quite understand what the future holds. Trusting when people let me down. Trusting when I am the center of idle gossip and the target of jokes or insincere words by others. Trusting when I feel pulled in a direction that I am just not ready to go to quite yet. Trusting when it hurts so much to trust. Trusting when He is calling me to just let go. Trusting that God is good and He has good purposes for my life. Trusting that He has forgiven me and that He lifts me up! You see trust, well it is tough for me, who has had tons of people in and out of my life. Also, when I feel like in many instances my lack of trust has pushed people away. I don't want to be that person that doesn't let people in. I know that my heart has been hardened in some areas because I have mistrusted or trusted to much and then once I am hurt that place just gets hard as I try not to get hurt again. But I have learned this year, that people aren't perfect, but God is.

I don't have to trust people in my own flesh and weakness. I have to trust people in Jesus' love and righteousness. For I know that I am always going to get hurt by others, I will probably also do my share of hurting. But what I do know is that God is the ultimate healer and so I can trust because He is the one I am trusting. I put my faith and hope in Jesus and then everything else falls into place.

So as this new year approaches I want to really spend this summer at the cross, looking at what Jesus did and how I can change in order to be more like Him. I want next year to start out with some goals and as summer progresses I hope that I can blog more about what He is teaching me and what He is bringing me through! What a Blessing to know the Only One we can completely place all our trust in!

Empty and Full at the same time...

As I sit here pondering what this destruction of life in Thailand as I know it means, I think that what I can't know, or understand is the depth of what has happened. For although yes many buildings have been destroyed and things have been taken, the reality of it is that people did this. People, made in the image of a perfect and loving creator have destroyed things, because their desires and their lives have allowed them to not think past themselves. Now as I look through the aftermath of pictures and check on facebook and sift through what is real or not, I have to wonder where is Thailand going? For I want, hope and pray that this creates in God's people here in this country a need, a desire and more than that a movement towards Him. A movement to bow before Him and proclaim Him as Lord of all. My heart sinks at the utter despair that I see as I walk out on the streets. I have not left our little "safe haven" area but the Thai people that I have run into I can just see it in their looks in their eyes and more than that in the way that there seems to just be this underlying silence.

There are no words to describe the pain that the past two months has brought. There are no words to describe the hurt and fear that has been trapped inside of every single person, child and leader in this country. For it is not just about the buildings, or the fires but it is about the people. The utter hatred that they feel to be able to sit for weeks or the utter hatred for those that have been standing on top of buildings and shooting those below. Which side is right? Probably no side is completely right...for perfection is not something that we can obtain on Earth.

As I ponder and pray I reminded that this is what imperfect people with our imperfect desires bring to the table everyday. We choose ourselves over those around us. We give in to our thoughts, wants and needs instead of looking across at who is standing before us and the hurt that is deep inside of them. I am thankful for this time, I am thankful for what God is doing, even if I am unsure of the results.

Even now I find myself asking...is it really over? The peace that seems to have taken hold of the streets is this really it? Can we really relax now?

Then I remember...I have to relax and rest because God is the one in control. He is the one that I rely on, my strength when I am weak. He is perfection, love and the Victory. What I need to do, is hope in Him and pray. Pray for revival....pray for these people and love them.

Please come back!

There is too much pain and suffering...

Just got an email that a 8 month old baby only has weeks to live....

Saw another friend's post and her 7 month old baby died last week sometime....

My friend just found out she has cancer....

People are shooting each other in the streets....

More people are setting off bombs and barracades and causing chaos...

Little children are being asked to do things that they should never have to do or see...

Women don't know their worth and so they give up and sell their bodies for money and food...

People are on a daily basis getting divorced...

Lies are being spread and rumors are causing people to hate God and the church...

Forgiveness is not a word that anyone knows how to say...

What is unity anyway???



Please come back Jesus....we need you....we need YOUR VICTORY! This world is not what it was created to be.....sin has come in and stolen the perfection of God's Creation...

Pray for His Coming....Pray for His Return...Pray for Repentance....Pray for the Prince of Peace!

BREAKTHROUGH>>>

I had a breakthrough this week, or actually God had a breakthrough in my life. I don't even know how I got caught in this pattern that I was in of not even realizing that the things I had thought I had given up were the things that I was holding on to so much. He kept saying...let go and I kept saying...but wait. Well it was time...as I laid in my bed on Friday...totally sick and weak and powerless to do anything else. I read....why did it take me getting super sick to just really listen to what He was trying to lead me to? Why is it that I had to just be at the weakest state that I have been in for awhile to really hear and rest?

That is human nature....we long to go, go go...until alas we can't go any further. I was driving towards this goal that I thought was mine, I thought that it was what God wanted, but in reality it was what I wanted. So...as that wall came down as I turned around I heard something and got information that I thought would make me crumble, but instead made me rejoice. For I realized that what I had been holding on to...wasn't really what I wanted after all. For what I want is the Lord's will and that just isn't it.

I know I am being vague and I feel that I have to be for this blog because the details don't need to be shared with the world, instead what needs to be shared is what God has done. He has broken through the unrest I was feeling, through the power that had a hold on me that I didn't even know had a hold. He broke through my feelings of inadequacy, my feelings of rejection and my feelings of being unwanted and not needed. He has tore down every single doubt and fear that I have had about those around me, about how they feel about me and how I feel about them. He has shown me that His will for my life...well it really is simple. To just be focused on Him. To really get to know Him and to live for Him. My life should be a sacrifice for His will, for what He wants. Up until this point my words have been a sacrifice, but my actions they have been more of what I want and what my needs are and how those needs can be met.

This week I read about the crucifixtion. I read about Christ sacrificing His life and how he suffered. But he suffered not just for our sin...but for our pain...for our path to perfection...for every hurt, ever affliction...every thought and feeling I have that goes against God's will. He died for those.....and this it struck me to the core. He died for my feelings of rejection, he suffered for my pain and He knows what it feels like to realize that you aren't "good enough."

This.......it is new me. I am at peace with who I am in Christ. I am imperfect....sinful......unrighteous......but by God's redeeming love I am saved. There is nothing special about me except that I believe in Jesus and He has given me eternal life. My life is for His glory, not for anything that I can do or boast about, but for Him. I can't even describe the joy that I know and feel right now because of what God has done in my life. There is nothing that can separate me from His love. You might say that it has taken me 20 something years to be fully released from the lies and selfish desires that have so long entangled me. I know that I was saved when I was 6, but I know that I am on a daily basis being perfected in that saving knowledge and love.

I want to continue in this process...longing to know more about Him and what He has for my life and what He wants to do in me. As I journey...want to journey alongside me.....for in Christ we are united and His mission is clear....ONE THING ONLY------To KNOW HIM AND MAKE HIM KNOWN!