BREAKTHROUGH>>>

I had a breakthrough this week, or actually God had a breakthrough in my life. I don't even know how I got caught in this pattern that I was in of not even realizing that the things I had thought I had given up were the things that I was holding on to so much. He kept saying...let go and I kept saying...but wait. Well it was time...as I laid in my bed on Friday...totally sick and weak and powerless to do anything else. I read....why did it take me getting super sick to just really listen to what He was trying to lead me to? Why is it that I had to just be at the weakest state that I have been in for awhile to really hear and rest?

That is human nature....we long to go, go go...until alas we can't go any further. I was driving towards this goal that I thought was mine, I thought that it was what God wanted, but in reality it was what I wanted. So...as that wall came down as I turned around I heard something and got information that I thought would make me crumble, but instead made me rejoice. For I realized that what I had been holding on to...wasn't really what I wanted after all. For what I want is the Lord's will and that just isn't it.

I know I am being vague and I feel that I have to be for this blog because the details don't need to be shared with the world, instead what needs to be shared is what God has done. He has broken through the unrest I was feeling, through the power that had a hold on me that I didn't even know had a hold. He broke through my feelings of inadequacy, my feelings of rejection and my feelings of being unwanted and not needed. He has tore down every single doubt and fear that I have had about those around me, about how they feel about me and how I feel about them. He has shown me that His will for my life...well it really is simple. To just be focused on Him. To really get to know Him and to live for Him. My life should be a sacrifice for His will, for what He wants. Up until this point my words have been a sacrifice, but my actions they have been more of what I want and what my needs are and how those needs can be met.

This week I read about the crucifixtion. I read about Christ sacrificing His life and how he suffered. But he suffered not just for our sin...but for our pain...for our path to perfection...for every hurt, ever affliction...every thought and feeling I have that goes against God's will. He died for those.....and this it struck me to the core. He died for my feelings of rejection, he suffered for my pain and He knows what it feels like to realize that you aren't "good enough."

This.......it is new me. I am at peace with who I am in Christ. I am imperfect....sinful......unrighteous......but by God's redeeming love I am saved. There is nothing special about me except that I believe in Jesus and He has given me eternal life. My life is for His glory, not for anything that I can do or boast about, but for Him. I can't even describe the joy that I know and feel right now because of what God has done in my life. There is nothing that can separate me from His love. You might say that it has taken me 20 something years to be fully released from the lies and selfish desires that have so long entangled me. I know that I was saved when I was 6, but I know that I am on a daily basis being perfected in that saving knowledge and love.

I want to continue in this process...longing to know more about Him and what He has for my life and what He wants to do in me. As I journey...want to journey alongside me.....for in Christ we are united and His mission is clear....ONE THING ONLY------To KNOW HIM AND MAKE HIM KNOWN!