Just keep hoping and having faith

Once again I was at school late. This week has been a little discouraging at times and I have not had all the meetings that I had hoped for. So I just kept giving life and feelings over to God....and I feel like He has blessed me. Tonight was a chance for a conversation. It wasn't a big step but a teeny little one, but one I feel that was good and moving forward a little bit. I still feel like I need to wait on the Lord. No rushing around here for I do not really know what tomorrow brings, except that God has prepared that way for me already.

So I press on. I continue to walk everyday in the light of Him and just take those little blessings that He gives me. A smile here and a kind word there. That is all I need really for it is in those moments that I know and feel the love of my savior more than ever before! For He listens to my heart, he hears me and He is waiting to answer. All I have to do is let Him.

Don't take time

It occurred to me tonight as I sat listening to Ravi Zacharias that I do not often spend that much time listening to God. Yes God can speak through people and quite often He does, but He also just wants me to listen for His own voice. To just hear Him as I spend time in His word but also just listen to Him. There is a particular thing going on in my life right now that I really want clarity for. I do not feel that I am pushing God this time, when in times before I feel like I have pushed specifically in the direction that I wanted. In this particular situation I feel that I have been open to either the door being opened or closed, but I feel like it is just slowly creaking. The creak doesn't seem to be going one direction or the other just yet. So I can not be sure of what it truly taking place. As I sit and wait, I wonder what God has planned for my life. Tonight He totally blessed me with just allowing me to be in His presence. To just sit at His throne and hear Him. I didn't have to worry about everyone else, but He just opened my eyes to see Him. I want more of those times. I long to just be in His presence.

I am going to make more time for that. Even if it means less time for others. For now I want God to lead...I don't want a competition about who is most popular or has the most friends. I just want to be in the throne room of my Father. I just want to be near Him and know Him more.

I remember...the last 10 years!

So I decided to post some things that I remember about the last 10 years of my life....just to reflect. I can't belive that this year is 10 years since high school graduation...crazy!

I remember....

driving to college for the first time with my Mom and sisters in my RX7. My Mom cried a lot and I did too, but not until after they left.

meeting Summer, my first room mate...oh man I am sort of glad to forget

Saturday movie days

Quincy bowling and mall time

watching soccer games

watching baseball games

imagining the day I would get to turn the bell over and the realization that it was not going to happen

midnight breakfasts

staying up until 1:00 in the morning making posters and hanging them all over town for Matt's birthday...the same night I found out that my friend's Dad used to be related to my Dad...crazy!

going to India

summers at RH

letting the world influence me waaay too much

TPing....now that was fun!

working at wal-mart

all my cars that broke down

working at the drug and alcohol rehab center

working at the group home

student teaching while living at my grandparents house

stopping by my grandparents house going to/from college

picnics at Riverview Park

Bible studies in Memorial

TGI Fridays

losing in bowling and having to cook dinner

sonic

road trips to Colorado

watching fireworks under the St. Louis Arch

being in 3 weddings

realizing that my college friends are/were amazing

dorm days....staying up till 3 am and still being able to go to class at 8

knowing everyone on HLG's campus

boxer run

changing my major from psychology to education (thank you Lord!)

thinking that college was never going to be over with

going to Egypt

feeling at the lowest point of my life

seeing God's goodness and grace

when I thought I knew so much about the Lord

coming back from Egypt and feeling alone

moving to California

my first time at New Song

meeting people at thursday nights

fun adventures at Disneyland, rich people's houses, random drives down dark roads, and mostly just hanging out

the beach

so much more.....I love the Lord and what He has given me in this life...so much love and so much learning and so many people!

My heart

I started this year thinking that it was just a normal year. Trying to get over a relationship that didn't exactly turn out the way I thought it would. Praying for the Lord's healing and leading. Now I see something, something far more amazing than I ever thought possible. Hope! Hope of a change in my life. It is the beginning of hope and also the beginning of being scared. Scared of what may happen next. Scared of what this means...the changes that could or could not take place. We will see....my heart is guarded, until the day the Lord decides to open it.

People who claim one thing and do the other...

Here I am at a school that is great, working with administraters that are great. There is just one thing that is not so great. Feeling trapped in a competition. A competition for what students like what teacher the best. I don't want to be in this competition. In fact I want to run the other direction the farthest away from it that I can, but I don't know how. I shouldn't be feeling this, not here. Why is it that we (as christians) have to make everything a competition. That is not what Jesus did or who Jesus was. It doesn't matter who is the most popular. It is funny because we are trying to teach the 6th graders this concept, yet adults don't even know it either. So how am I supposed to teach 6th graders something that adults don't even understand? I guess just show grace and mercy and leave the rest up to God. That sure is hard sometimes though, when my flesh cries out that I want to do something.

People are also not living out what they say they believe. Culturally teachers are held to a higher standard around here, not like in the states. This higher standard should make us long to live out a better life as an example. Then why are a majority of teachers that I know stuck in a cycle of the world? It just does not make sense to me. There was a time when I longed for those quick-fixes, but if I am truly desiring the Lord then I am not going to want to satisfy that longing any other way. Yet I look people in the face every morning that are going to work to teach kids about Jesus and turning around to do the opposite of what they say....something to think about!