Whew...it has been a year!

I just got done reading through my posts from last March. Wow! It has been quite a year. I was at a completely different place last year at this time. It is amazing to me though that I can see the change that the Lord was beginning to build into my heart and my life. I have a deeper passion and desire to know Him more, one that continues to build the more I seek and the longer I am here. I am not sure if it is being in Thailand, or if it is just getting older and realizing what really matters isn't really being popular or what eveyone else thinks. What really matters is keeping my eyes focused on the cross.

Last night I was talking with A about coming to Thailand 2 years ago. I mean it has almost been 2 school years......I can hardly believe it has gone so quickly. When I think about the person that I was when I first came and who I have been transformed into now...well I can't help but be overwhelmed with how good God is. There has been a lot of pain and hurt along the way...a lot of letting go and even more of hanging on. The hanging on though wasn't to the people or things that I thought it would be. In most cases it was hanging on to Jesus, to His truth and light. Stepping back away from the things that I had been accustomed to hang on to and realizing that my life is about Him, nothing else.

Two years ago I based my decisions and my depth on those that surrounded me. My relationship with God was beginning to be deep on its own, but it still wasn't really my own relationship. I was leaning a lot on circumstances and people that just weren't doing it for me. Not to say they weren't great people, worthy people, but I realize now that God does have to take people away from you sometimes. Even though the hurt and pain is so great you are sometimes blinded by the good that it brings. I think that is what has had to happen with me many different times. It is always hard to handle, but you know it is always for the best. In the midst of tough situations, we open up our hearts and eyes to see Him, to seek Him and to know Him more.

I am a little scared by how quickly my life is passing me by. I think that the unknown is what scares me but also gives me some excitement. I know that I will be in Thailand for one more year, but after that...well I am not so sure. Maybe more time here in this place that needs to hear about His love so much, or maybe He will move me on.

I do know that I need to continue to reflect and ponder what I am learning. Even in the midst of tough situations He is faithful and He is good. That is one thing I can say that I have learned in the past two years. To keep faithful despite the circumstances that surround me. So even tonight as demonstrations continue and move forward, I will know that these circumstances are of the World. I do not fear because He has victory and He is near.