Waiting and Hoping...

So since no one ever really reads my blogs I feel like today I am just going to let out my heart. Maybe it is the wrong thing to do, but maybe it is just after all a place to just let something out. So....there is something going on with my heart right now that is confusing and amazing all at the same time. The thing is that with this whatever it is, there is so much uncertainty that it is bringing me back to another time in my life. Now it is not the same situation at all. For this time I am at a much better place but I also feel that I am getting the signals right this time. I guess what is really scaring me is that I thought that last time too. So here I am just waiting on the Lord. I have found myself wanting to walk down a certain path that would lead to interaction, but then I have to catch myself. For it is not me that needs to pursue the interaction. For if I do that then I feel that I will be at one of the same places I was before. As much as I have learned, I do not want to have to go through that pain again. It was too much to bear. It was too much to take. So what do I do? I keep praying. I keep laying it down at His feet and asking him to take it, asking Him to make it clear, and asking Him to remove it if it isn't from Him. I have been praying this for awhile now, and He hasn't taken it away. So....that leads me to believe that all this waiting is leading somewhere. But that is what I thought before also. So then I am right back to where I started. hmmm...does it seem that God has to teach me the same things over and over again. But He also says that He will give us the desires of our hearts. You know the funny thing is that I thought the last time that I knew what the desires of my heart were, but as it turns out I think that I was truly deceived. Because looking now at what is in front of me...I see something Amazing. Something that is far more than I could have ever dreamed or imagined for myself. So....I lay it over and pray. I pray that my heart will not be deceived and that I find my hope in the Lord. That I don't keep letting the lies that try to keep in get in control. I also pray that this is........it!