Letting go...when you feel like hanging on...and when you are not sure if you should let go in the first place

As I stepped out my door this afternoon I was in the midst of a prayer. A prayer to see someone that I wanted to see. I walk down the steps and this person was there. Instead of it being the amazing conversation that I wanted it was pretty much nothing. Yes there was chit chat for a total of 5 minutes at the most, but then it was done. What seemed to be God's encounter turned into a day of grief and pain. Not because I didn't love the meeting, but because I am not sure that anything is ever going to come of it. For the first time in my life I didn't bring about these feelings or these encounters and I feel like waiting is the game I am playing. But I don't want to play this game. I don't want to just walk around in this state of confusion. I have been there and done that. I had high hopes of going somewhere over this break. High hopes of someone following through with what they said, but those hopes were also smashed today as I realized that the person had already been there and didn't ask me. It wasn't really their job to ask me...but had I been expecting it? Yes...so I am letting go...good-bye to this hope! Once again, but I am not really sure it is what I am supposed to be doing...