When time keeps passing by...

Today I was sitting in church and all around me true worship was happening. Not the kind where people are just singing hymns and wishing that the Holy Spirit would activate their love for the Lord, but truly worship. People were on their knees singing and crying out to Him. They were showing just how God was meant to be worshipped. There I was smack dap in the middle of a God experience, but what I couldn't get past was myself. How come I couldn't worship Him? What was stopping me from giving Him my true devotion and attention? Well it was my own thoughts ofcourse. Thoughts of feelings, of things still to get done, everything that I am...the humaness that makes me stop, when all I need to do is worship.

For about 4 months now I have been in Thai mode. Only going to a Thai church where all the songs are sung in Thai and no translation is anywhere. I didn't realize just how much I had missed truly being in communion with God until I was standing in that worship service wondering when it was going to end. This being my first reaction, I have to wonder why? Because my intimacy with God is lacking. I have begun to busy myself with so many activities that I have forgotten what it truly means to sit or stand in His presence. To want to cry out to him and kneel at his feet.

What am I afraid of? I think I am afraid that if I get too close, well then He will answer my prayers. Prayers that I have been waiting so long to hear a "yes" to and if He does finally say yes then my life is going to completely change.

I want my life to change. I want to leave this place that I am in of selfishness and pride. I want and desire to know more of His love through a family. But first before that comes, I have to rekindle my relationship with Him.

How did it get so far? How have I forgotten to just bow at His feet and listen? I think the answers are in my day to day. I wake up and forget just who I am waking up for. It isn't myself it is for Jesus. I guess it is time I start truly showing it!