Feeling the Spirit and moving into His embrace

It is funny how for the longest time I have thought that my relationship with the Lord was amazing, that is was just so great. I was so intune with His Spirit. I was feeding on His word, living out His commands. Then the past week hit me. I got so sick, the sickest I have been since I was in N. Africa, but really truly it was amazing. I was at a place where I had to decide, am I just okay with living my life mediocre? Am I just okay with going day to day, and the Lord being part of my morning or my evening but not really my everything? Do I really embrace His presence like I say that I do, or do I just pretend and look like it to the outside world.

I got sick last Thursday night. I just figured that it would be over the next day or the day after that. I rested on Saturday, spent time in the word, focusing on Him and prayed with some others. Still, no difference. I knew that He would heal me in His timing. I went to church Sunday morning to a Thai church. It was great besides the constant pain in my stomach. Went home and spent more time in the word. What I didn't realize was that I was reading the word and listening to Him but I wasn't resting in Him or submitting to what He was saying. I was doing all the right things but here He was shouting at me to up my relationship, to come to a deeper more intimate place, where He fills my every need and desire and I was saying, but I have to go to work and I have to get things done and I have to be in control of something. Yes, me the control freak apparently. I never realized that I truly have not given it all to him. Until now...I tried to go to work Monday, didn't listen to God or people speaking for God and I went. I last about 30 minutes and then knew that the Lord was calling me to just spend the day with Him resting.

So I did! It was the best day of my life. I had already started taking medicine for my sickness, but truly it did not start working until I got down on my knees and surrendered everything. Nothing was or is in my control, not my job, not my relationships, not people back home, not my health, nothing. He is in control and I have to be empty in order for him to fill me. Some of you might be thinking that I am crazy, while others are thinking...yes isn't that a no brainer. Well...I thought I had done this before and maybe I have but this time it has gone deeper and more intimate than ever before. When you seek Him...you find Him!